One of my guilty pleasures is dating reality tv shows. Like The Bachelor, Too Hot to Handle, and, most recently, Love is Blind UK.

Of course I also watched most of the US-based seasons from Love is Blind. But there was something different about the UK version.

It wasn’t about the drama. There weren’t big love triangles. No one was out partying leaving their soon-to-be-spouse wondering what they’re doing. These couples weren’t concerned about their followers on Instagram (except for one guy, who got called out). They were genuinely doing the experiment, ready for a long-term commitment.

I don’t know if I would have found this season so compelling if I hadn’t watched 6 seasons of US-based trainwrecks. I got so tired of the drama. The fighting. The over-the-topness. It bored me to the point of watching at 1.5 speed.

Why did I even watch, you may ask?

Because I love a love story. I want to believe in love. And I want to know I’m not the only one struggling.

Watching 6 couples fall in love (not to mention 5 others that got engaged off camera) gave me some new understanding.

1. We’re not done with drama until we’re really done. It’s ok to be messy and to enjoy the drama of it all for a little while. And don’t judge yourself from that. It's ok if you’re in the phase of your life where you love the bad boys over the nice guys. Or the late-night partying over snuggling in bed. Or the roller coaster highs and lows versus the steady state. It’s ok to want drama. The only time it’s not ok is if you really don’t like it and you don't want it. Doing one thing but expecting something different is insanity-making. Then it’s time to get honest about why am I continuing to choose drama?
2. There IS another way. Maybe it’s the theater kid in me, but I thought drama was normal. I thought that some level of anxiety and hard work was the name of the game. I fought like crazy with my very first boyfriend, and it was kind of fun. Exhilarating, even. Turns out, that’s not normal for a lot of people! Sometimes we are fish and we don’t see the water we are swimming in. As I’ve done my own work to establish a new baseline, I want a lot of more peace, certainty, kindness, trust, and respect. Anxiety and drama are so much less attractive.
3. Lots of people out there want what you want. Sometimes, we can get stuck in a cycle thinking that our ex is the only one who can meet our needs. The only person who will “get” you. What the UK version illustrates (and without excessive drama) is that love isn’t enough. You can love someone deeply, but that doesn’t mean that you’ll make great lifetime partners. It’s ok to hold out for that person that you love and can picture an entire life with.
4. Relationships are also an assignment in self-love. Yes, a relationship is learning about being in a partnership with someone else. But it’s also a mirror to see yourself. And I do believe that we can only accept love to the depth with which we love ourselves. Sometimes we deepen that by seeing the love someone else has for us. Sometimes we learn to deepen our self love by learning to stand up for what we’ll no longer tolerate. A relationship is a mirror to yourself.

If you enjoy the drama, then own that! If you want to keep focusing on your past, then do that!

My greatest wish for you is that you treat yourself as the expert of your life. No expert can tell you how you should live your life.

But if you’re feeling stuck and don’t know how to change your life so that you get more of what you want, I’m here to help.

Are you ready to get over your past drama and find a new path forward? I can be your guide. I’m happy to explore how I can help on a free phone call. Book yours here: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=13002720&appointmentType=2184078​

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With love,

Sarah

The Breakup Coach

​www.sarahcurnoles.com
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