I was coaching a client the other day. She is starting to date again after a really painful divorce with a toxic ex.

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This moment is incredibly vulnerable. If you’re divorced and dating again, you know what I’m talking about.

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You’ve been burned. Maybe it was a really bad burn. So bad that you don’t trust most people anymore. And as you start dating, you realize you don’t trust most of the guys you’re going out with.

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And you start to wonder if you can even trust yourself. The thoughts in your head might sound like, “If I picked such a toxic ex to begin with, who’s to say I won’t do it again? What if I miss the red flags? I can’t handle another toxic relationship. That last one nearly killed me.”

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If you can relate to my client’s story, I would like to invite you to take a deep breath. Take as many as you need to so you can calm down and come back to your body.

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After that breath, let’s look at this.

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Oprah says, “When God wants you to learn a lesson, first He throws a pebble. And then He throws a rock. And then He throws a boulder.”

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The real question to answer is not what my client was asking herself above. It’s how much pain do you need to get to wake up and learn the lesson?

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If you have learned the lessons from your last relationship, you don’t need to repeat them.

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Read that again.

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If you learned the lessons, you’ll see the red flags. Once you see them, you can’t unsee them.

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We don’t have to repeat grades in school if you passed the tests. The tests are only there to measure if you have sufficiently learned the lessons.

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What have you learned from your last relationship that you don’t need to repeat again?

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When you use the power of hindsight, what can you clearly see in the early stages of your relationship that were early warning signs of the pain you endured?

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If you reflect on what you learned from your past relationship, it becomes clear what to not do again. You can make new choices. You do not have to do that same dance again.

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You take your power back.

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You begin to trust yourself again because when you make those new choices you feel better. You can celebrate new results. You can make new mistakes and learn from them!

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If you choose to repeat your patterns from the past, maybe your past pain was only the rock. Do you really want to find out what the boulder is that God has in store for you?

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Want to feel more empowered since your breakup? Would you like a process to turn this breakup into your blowup? Learn how to stop being blocked by your past so you easily attract a more loving relationship in the future. ​ I'm teaching a free class Thursday October 10 at 7pm to reclaim your power after your breakup. Even if you can't make it live, I'll send out the recording. But you have to register to get on the list. Sign up here